would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
