I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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