this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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