I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
