Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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