After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
