Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
We left the knife in your bed.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
