Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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