I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
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