Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
