Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
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