You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
we're so committed to being not committed
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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