I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Randomize
