Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
