i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
