he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize
