I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
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