my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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