U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
So much puke
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.