What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?