Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?