i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
do you believe in love at first sight?
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Just cropdusted the office
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Dating After Heartbreak
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.