i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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