If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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