nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Sorry about my life...
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
