I'd wear matching sweaters with you
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
