The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
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He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
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