4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
