I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
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I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
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