The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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