Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
