so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Randomize
