I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
