Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
