i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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