I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Randomize
