well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Randomize
