Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
