if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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