Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Randomize
