I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
