I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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