the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
