big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
