that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
