he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
