Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
