I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
cat food counts as protein by the way
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
