Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
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Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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