I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
