so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
