is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
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