sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
