Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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