i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
it was like eating out sand paper
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
