Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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