he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
