hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
he was CRYING into my vagina
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
