His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
