My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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