i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
