All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
