"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
