exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
