awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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