I have demons in me.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
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