Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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