Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Randomize
