dude i'm inner monologue high
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
