you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
