i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
