Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
My feet surprised me
false alarm, still single
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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